I had never really been to the funeral of a close relative until friday. I don't know if its something that everyone experiences but after we left the chapel and the service had ended, all the upset, all the anger and frustration just seemed to leave me. I can honestly say I've never felt so peaceful.
The service was perfect, lighthearted and a true celebration of her life. I had such a feeling of dread about it all so it was such a relief to be part of something so positive instead of the sorrowful event that funerals usually are. Jean Wilkins, they did you proud.
They began cleaning out the cupboards today, of all her clothes and little bits and bobs. I took some scarves and thought nothing more of it. It wasnt until I tried them on that i realised how much her scent had remained on them. She hadnt worn these scarves in at least two or three years, yet it was as if she'd just put them down. U never really notice a person's scent until it out of it's natural surroundings I don't suppose. It was very comforting.
It's been possibly the most boggling week of my young life. I've had a million thoughts and feelings about a million different subjects and so much to do in a short space of time. The feelings haven't dissappeared like I'd hoped but I have no choice but to "go with the flow" as they say...I hate that saying, it sounds really cheesy and....crap, just an easy way out of an awkward situation. But, in this case, it truly is the only thing to do.
I'm missing Birmingham very much...it's not so much the city but the little cwtch that is halls.
It's bizzare. I know that my brain is swirling with confusion, yet I'm feeling so content.
x
