boggle

I had never really been to the funeral of a close relative until friday. I don't know if its something that everyone experiences but after we left the chapel and the service had ended, all the upset, all the anger and frustration just seemed to leave me. I can honestly say I've never felt so peaceful.

The service was perfect, lighthearted and a true celebration of her life. I had such a feeling of dread about it all so it was such a relief to be part of something so positive instead of the sorrowful event that funerals usually are. Jean Wilkins, they did you proud.

They began cleaning out the cupboards today, of all her clothes and little bits and bobs. I took some scarves and thought nothing more of it. It wasnt until I tried them on that i realised how much her scent had remained on them. She hadnt worn these scarves in at least two or three years, yet it was as if she'd just put them down. U never really notice a person's scent until it out of it's natural surroundings I don't suppose. It was very comforting.

It's been possibly the most boggling week of my young life. I've had a million thoughts and feelings about a million different subjects and so much to do in a short space of time. The feelings haven't dissappeared like I'd hoped but I have no choice but to "go with the flow" as they say...I hate that saying, it sounds really cheesy and....crap, just an easy way out of an awkward situation. But, in this case, it truly is the only thing to do.

I'm missing Birmingham very much...it's not so much the city but the little cwtch that is halls.

It's bizzare. I know that my brain is swirling with confusion, yet I'm feeling so content.

x

Paid a wylio trwy dy ddwylo

Paid a deffro, paid a mentro,
Dwi moen amser i wylio dy gwsg.
Dwi moen amser cyn i ti fynd.

Paid a wylio trwy dy ddwylo,
Dwi moen amser i dderbyn dy wen,
Dwi moen amser cyn i ti fynd,
Ond amser, sgen ti ddim.

Paid a siarad geiriau ymladd,
Dwi moen amser i glywed dy lais
Dwi moen amser cyn i ti fynd.

Paid a teithio, paid a brysio,
Mae 'na amser i aros fan hyn,
Mae 'na amser cyn i ti fynd
Ond amser, sgen ti ddim.

Dwi moen aros gyda ti

perffaith.

Gormod o Golled

This cold winters eve I'm completely angered by injustice. If there is some higher being, how could they allow a family of good, kind individuals to have so much heartbreak and sadness and yet allow another full of evil and hate go completely unharmed? How can that be some part of a bigger plan!? Im so furious...my anger has no outlet other than in tears.

Festivities!!

Im really quite excited abut christmas, the spending 3 solid weeks working in marks and spencer doesn't appeal but walking into town all wrapped up and sitting in starbucks watching people as they rush up and down queen street...its one of the best feelings ever! I cant wait for twisted by design new years eve either, the only sanctuary in cardiff on new years eve! its truly a unique place.

My new years eve swaparama mix cd is becoming an interesting mix...who would ever have put biffy clyro and bobby vee on the same cd?!....that would be me!

Also think the line up for year 2 housemates is coming together....I wasnt planning on doing any of this stuff til febuary but people seem to be viewing houses already! so I feel I should get moving.

Things to do:

Write christmas cards
Buy White felt
Buy USB memory thing
Try eggnog
Finish making christmas presents
Write essay
Practise presentation
Buy christmas decorations
Decorate!

x

dwi moen amser i wylio dy gwsg

Today, I'm disappointed. I dragged myself out of my ridiculously lazy weekend to go and see the christmas light get turned on in town. It was a lot more to do with the fact that mcfly were playing than anything else though...obviously! (spot the pun??) Mcfly are my ultimate "guilty pleasure", though I feel no guilt for loving them. It was just a bizzare situation, I felt completely out of place amongst all of these people. In cardiff, in an event like that, you'd have lots of families and people of various ages, but today, it just seemed primerally teenagers, really emo teenagers. I always thought that emo's were supposed to be sullen and into their music in a big way, but it seems to be that emo or chav are the only two categories available to them (dress wise anyway) and so they just choose. they're so loud and rude and obnoxious....I havent quite experienced anything like it.

But yes, so my mcfly viewing pleasure was somewhat ruined. I also discovered that I missed Misty's Big Adventure by approx 10 mins....so so upset.

So after such a blow, I went home. I felt very festive on my journey back though, all the christmas lights on and a chill in the air...I wish i'd worn mittens and ear muffs, ultimate festive attire.



I'm feeling quite miserable tonight. The inevitability of uni work, my persisting cold and the subtle tones of "the gentle good" (www.myspace.com/gentlegood). He's got such a beautiful voice, but no matter how upbeat the tone of his song, there's a fantastic embedded sadness.

Home soon, can't wait, can't wait to see graf, can't wait to have money in my pocket and can't wait to enjoy a cooked dinner at home. I miss it all so much, especially as this time last year was filled with strolls into town, wrapped up in 10 jumpers and just so many fun times!

peace out. xx

the start of something

So, emma's blogging! first I buy silver "jazz shoes", then I buy a polaroid camera and now Im writing blogs. I think I may be getting a bit too in touch with my emo side. Nevertheless, Im here now.

Im currently enjoying bishop Allen, who I'd heard a little about but it unexpectedly popped up on my last fm after typing in decemberists. I don't know what it is about the decemberists, but I've never known a band to make me feel so strongly. Their songs have barely any connections with modern day life but maybe thats it, its the romance of a medieval tale that just conjures up all this emotion and mystery. I think I'd have to say that if there was one band I had to listen to for the rest of my life, it would be them.....lets hope they keep writing songs.




It's odd though, how you automatically associate a band/musician to certain people or periods in your life. I will forever associate "The lovin' Spoonful" with summers with my mum, driving to the beach...i must have only been about three or four but it's so so vivid! And the decemberists, thats john. and last year. and driving in my car.

Hundred reasons are another one with history, they're all about being 15, rebelling and walking everywhere because you have no other mode of transport, but you're with your friends so its fine. Then there's the automatic....thats right, the automatic. Its fran and fi and marks and spencer and drunken nights out and so so much fun.

and lastly, Los Campesinos - Cardiff, Graf, Twisted by Design, realising how much I'll miss it all when Im gone, and being oh so grateful for being shown it in the first place.



It's an odd thing being away from everything you love, even if you didnt realize you loved it a mere two years ago. Well, i find it odd. I miss it all so so much and yet, the thought of going back, makes me go all rigid and angry. Its not going back to live there that I dont want to do, but going to uni there is. I like being away from everyone I went to school and college, it makes me feel like Im achieving something, not just staying in my comfort zone and playing it safe. Im being independant (even if Im struggling).

The other difficult thing is being introduced to new things and forgetting how fantastic the old stuff still is.

peace out xxx